What do you call 5000 dead lawyers at the bottom of the ocean?
How can you tell when a lawyer is lying?
Did you know.... Acupuncturists do it with a small prick
Did you know.... Ada programmers do it by committee
Did you know.... Ada programmers do it in packages
What's the difference between a dead dog in the road and a dead lawyer in the road?
Did you know.... Advertisers use the "new, improved" method
Did you know.... Advertising majors do it with style
Did you know.... Aerobics instructors do it for the heart
Did you know.... Aerobics instructors do it in step
Did you know.... Aerobics instructors do it until it hurts
Did you know.... Aerospace engineers do it with lift and thrust
Did you know.... Secret agents do it undercover
Did you know.... AI hackers do it artificially
Did you know.... Beta testers do it looking for mistakes
Did you know.... Bicyclists do it off the road
Did you know.... Bicyclists do it with 10 speeds
Did you know.... Bikers do it on wheels
Did you know.... Biologists do it with clones
Did you know.... Birders do it in the bush
Did you know.... Birds do it, bees do it, even chimpanzees do it
Did you know.... Blondes do it with a thermos
Did you know.... Bo jackson knows doing it
Did you know.... Boardheads do it with stiff masts
David Koresh certainly made an ash of himself this time.
An anxious woman goes to her doctor.*LF*"Doctor," she asks nervously, "can you get pregnant from anal intercourse?"*LF*"Certainly," replies the doctor, "Where do you think lawyers come from?"
When a lawyer tells his clients he has a sliding fee schedule what he means is that after he bills you it's financially hard to get back on your feet.
It was so cold last winter that I saw a lawyer with his hands in his own pockets.
Santa Claus, the tooth fairy, an honest lawyer and an old drunk are walking down the street together when they simultaneously spot a 20 pound note. Who gets it? The old drunk, of course, the other three are mythological creatures.
The defendent who pleads their own case has a fool for a client, but at least there will be no problem with fee-splitting.
We had a great darts match in here last Thursday. The lads from the Dog and Duck came in, and we thrashed them 8-1!
What?
Say what?
Huh?
Yeah.
Take my advice, never run a bar. It's murder.
Yes
Very novel
What's that got to do with anything?
Tell me about your childhood
Is your glass empty yet?
Is that a fact?
I suppose a shag is out of the question then?
Pardon me?
Hang on a sec....*DELAY*Okay carry on.
That's the trouble with this all day opening. We get so many drunks in here.
Drunk again ay?
Been web surfing recently?
Are you drunk?
And I thought Serbo-Croat was a dead language? Obviously not!
Do you ever bet on horses? That chap Parry over there does all the time. Never wins anything though! <G>
Hang on a sec, I'll just get the universal translator out from under the bar here.
Have you tried our winter warmer? It's very good for warming the old cockles.
Is that a cocktail?
Hmmm, guess that you've had just one too many ay? Still, who cares!
Hmmm, reckon your brain might have an interrupt conflict there, *USER*
I think you ought to try that one on Sharon.
Nice weather we're having for the time of year, don't you think?
Oh look at that ash tray! I really must get a bar maid to clean them up!
Um, I'm not quite clear about that, say again?
Errrm, hang on a second.*DELAY**DELAY* No, sorry it's gone!
Hang on and I'll ask Matthew.*DELAY**DELAY**DELAY* Right I'm back, sorry about that, haven't a clue what you're trying to say!
I'm sorry *user*, I don't know anything about *object*
Would you beieve it? I sold the last of the *object* this morning!
Now there's a leading question! Hahaha, let me see, maybe I am, and maybe I'm not. How can I convince you? I know, what if I tell you that you've called the BBS *TIMESON* times before? Or, how about that your phone number is *PHONE*?
